Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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