Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize