Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
im holly from the hills drunk
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
