this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
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