She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
