I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
