I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
