I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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