YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
