i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
