after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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