Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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