I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people