new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
