So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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