yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?