need another drink. this is the easiest way
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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