apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
