the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
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I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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