she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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