I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
