Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
