If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
