when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
