Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
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