Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
