You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
