Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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