Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
