her vagine was all disorganized.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
