I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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