The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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