where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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