I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
