I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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