I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize