it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
