Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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