just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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