you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
