Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
