i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
