Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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