I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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