marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
with your own penis?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
