haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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