I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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