i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
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All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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