I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
