Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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