i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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