Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
