either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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