Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
