WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
