hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
