how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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