I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
