I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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