Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
