They should really pass out barf bags in church
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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