when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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