Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
