I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
