I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
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The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
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Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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