so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
