My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
