I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
