The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I will pee on everything he values.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
