everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
