His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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