well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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