dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
