how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
