I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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