I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
