We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
